I always hear the same thing. I just don’t have time.
Yes, to keep up with the pace of modern society, many of us have been forced to part with more of our one true commodity — time; giving up more of it for less and less. But it is still a choice what we do with this thing called time, even if it seemingly loses its market value.
There’s a lyric in a Townes Van Vandt song called To Live is to Fly where he says ‘livin is mostly wasting time / and I’ve waste my share of mine / but it never feels too good / so lets not take too long.”
He was a junkie so his words takes on a whole new meaning, but Townes was right.
Many creative pursuits are perceived as a waste of time by those who don’t understand the needs many Creatives operate from. But those outside voices are loud and can be damaging to people who feel the need to create. Unfortunately, most of what many well-intended people know about the arts is that creative effort is not worthy of investment. And therefore does not have value. It is an agreed upon truth our competitive, results orientated culture operates from. So we hide these practices as hobbies, or stop doing them altogether.
I think, and I could be wrong, that many of us would-be Creatives pick up on that energy - that collective perspective; either globally or locally- and especially from anyone close to us who was frightened on our behalf for choosing to engage in such a historically Topsy-turvy endeavor. And we stop doing what makes us happy. Or never do it to begin with.
It is destructive as all fuck all. I’ve seen it squash many artists I work with even before the many trials and tribulations can even do their part to discourage. And it sucks. Because it is so preventable.
It is something I chew on a lot because I encounter its devastating effects so much. Especially when I try and start a new class ; so many people want to come, but can’t find the time. They want to write, tell family stories to preserve for their kids to have one day, or write a detective novel, or a play, but always - there is not enough time.
Which is a lie. We believe a lie and then never share the songs in our heart. It is tragic for a writer to pass from this life with a song unsung; one lodged in their heart. And it happens every day. We must think more of the cost of not doing something, rather than the cost of learning and trying. In my experience, not doing it is far more pricey. Leaving something unexpressed exacts an invisible toll on many artists I know and robs them of themselves a little more each day. All because of fear. Mostly of the unknown. But it doesn’t matter. It’s just fear. At least in my experience.
Do I know any answers? Not really. Well, maybe one.
Commitment. And how it is the prerequisite to excellence. I am not perfect at anything, but consistency is the one thing I strive to practice perfectly. There is a magic to the everyday art of showing up. In a way, it is the most extreme act of faith there is. To show up. Little by little.
Little by little.
In fact, strangely enough, the porters in Kenya that help climbers do Kilimanjaro, and the Sherpas and guides that work in the highlands of Nepal and so forth all have the same phrase to keep their charges safe - little by little. Slowly slowly.
That’s how you climb a mountain.
Little by little. Slowly slowly.
But why do we find it so difficult? To commit to something so small? Maybe it’s because we expect fireworks and when we don’t see them, we are dissapointed? I don’t know. But I think it’s something more than that.
I encounter this level of resistance every day with getting people from being interested in joining a group, to actually committing to coming. It is a huge gap between the intention and the action. Even as modern day gurus go on and on about “making intentions,” I say fuck intention, it is the action that matters. I’ve done many things with mixed motives and without clear intention that somehow got me in the direction of “my bliss,” and then, once I was moving, momentum guided me to find my intention — where I could course correct and be in what many call alignment, or “the flow.”
Intentions sometimes only ever come after. They have to be discovered through action. And then a whole new level of commitment emerges. And when these forces are aligned, and are found and named, they make our actions even more effective. Or at least that’s what the experts say.
I have experienced, from time to time, this level of fleeting harmony. And it is like a drug. But, if I’m honest? I don’t always feel inspired. However, it doesn’t stop me from suiting up, little by little.
It’s an insane thought to think it will always be moonbeams and muses singing the divine orchestration of the gods for you. That’s bonkers. There’s nothing magical about the unsexy work of doing. Nirvana is over-rated. Chopping wood and carrying water is the path to everlasting happiness. Work. If we can get over the invisible thing that separates us, that begins with the lie — there isn’t enough time. Or, it’s too late. Or I’ll never… blah blah blah perfection etc etc etc.
But why is this so difficult to grasp, integrate, and put into practice? I think it has to do with expectation. Whatever we have not done, but want to do - take a train across Siberia, climb something tall, lose ten pounds, learn to meditate, dance, or write — we build it up in our minds. Make it bigger; which, in my opinion, is a way to trick ourselves into hanging onto what we need to let go of. The terror we know becomes less than the terror we don’t know.
And control. Yes control. Ah.
And under that illusion - expectation. I think we make it too precious. We build it up so we can justify procrastination or any other number of rationalizations we lie to ourselves about to keep us stuck. But, it is the hidden expectation that leads this sad parade, believe me.
And I think that is how we set ourselves up to fail, even before we begin. No wonder we get paralyzed, and stop before we start, if we operate under that belief system. So better keep it undone — in case we fail.
But I say what everyone else says in this regard- fail. And fail magnificently. And repeatedly. Fail fail fail and fail again.
I’ve failed so many times that I can say I am an expert at it. And I can stand to fail more. Don’t get me wrong, I’m not talking about rejection, although I am an expert in that, too. I’m talking about failure. We need to make friends with failure.
Not success.
Success is over-rated and based on external factors that bare little resemblance to fact, both currently and historically. And if you do get success then you have a whole new set of problems. It never gets easier, it gets harder. Even so, nothing is as hard as simply beginning. So stop what you are doing right now and begin.
Again and again. Never finish beginning. In meditation, they say keep returning to the breath. As you drift from it, keep coming back to it. It’s natural to drift and return. And I think that perspective can be translated to our creative reclamation. Or whatever it is you want that lives just on the other side of the threshold of becoming. We must inch toward it. Even if we never get there. The leap of faith is but a little distance, inch by inch.
That’s what it means to be in process, I guess. Or to me, at least.
Please reach out if I can ever be of help in bridging the gap between those projects you want to do and where you are. I know the terriroty between and how to navigate it.